Zero Care

As adventurous I may seem, I am unmotivated and scared to take myself out. Whenever I want to, my mind buzzes with What ifs! What if I embarrass myself? What if people stare at me? What if I don’t like it? I tried Jogging once with my good friend but ever since he travelled I have never gone back to it. See I hate how people stare, snide, cat call. So I stay inside re-watch Harry Potter for the trillionth time and do my own projects in peace.

But I’ve always wanted to do bike riding, roller skating, running, I love how it feels when wind blows on my face with music blasting in my ears, feels like nothing is impossible.

Then why wasn’t I doing it? If I craved all that, as simple as you see, you might even be rolling your eyes as you read this because of how simple and attainable that is, (I’m sure some of your fears are as silly as that!). You see the mistake that I was making was centering this whole thing to how people will perceive what I am doing and what I’d look like to them. When in reality no one really cares!!!!! Yes they might stare at you, cat call, snide and laugh at how ridiculous you look when you are jogging and panting 🤣😂.

I’ll prove to you why no one cares (until you make them). There is this certain idle man at a shop near my home whenever I pass he would make comments either on my walk or on my dress, whatever caught his eye. He did this almost every day to the point I thought he had it in for me. I never went to his shop until one day his shop was the closest and I needed a bottle of water, I gulped and walked up to him confidently. While i was paying for the water, he asked “Are you from around here?” I stared blankly at him and said yes. He nodded and went on, I started to remind him how he would throw comments at me every time I pass by. He laughed and said “I get bored here, so I throw comments to anyone, I barely remember the person the next minute. But I’ll remember you from today”. I smiled and walked away. On my way home I scoffed at how I would dread passing by his shop, thinking I was the only one in this town he picked to torture, I would sometimes change my dressing style because of how rude he would get thinking he’d stop until I realized, he does not care; in fact, he doesn’t remember me at all.

See, we often think the world revolves around us. If I say this how would I look? if i go out alone people would see me weird, if I ride a bike, I will look funny. Let us try to change our thinking and center it to ourselves. If I go biking alone, I will enjoy it! If I take myself to dinner, I will eat everything without a care of who Is paying or looking! If I go running or jogging, I will bop and hop every step with the beat to my music and breath!

So, I took myself to dinner on Valentines day! To be honest, I called some of my friends earlier, but they were all unavailable, so I sucked it up and made myself go. Eventually I grew excited about it! My auntie helped me with my hair, I bought a beautiful dress, and booked a table at Rhapsody’s. I called my friend to take me there and once I reached, I greeted the lovely waiters and sat on my table. Now remember its Valentine, everyone had friends and loved ones around them. I was the odd one out! But I took out my book I read few pages, took out my notebook wrote myself a love letter and sipped my fav passion fruit virgin mojito. I enjoyed the music, the view! I Loved every minute of it! The waitresses and waiters were so kind and enjoyed taking pictures of me. Then I called my Uber and asked him to take pictures which he politely and happily did! He even recorded videos. It was as if the universe was opening up to me just as I did.

I went to bed that night smiling and proud of what i did!